


Saving and Losing

by the_scarlet_01



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Buck does survive and nearly gives an ME a heart attack, Buck saves Eddie, Death is temporary, Eddie is self loathing, Hospitals, M/M, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt, Whump, injured evan buckley, morgue, superwhump technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21674842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_scarlet_01/pseuds/the_scarlet_01
Summary: Despite everyone still being angry about the lawsuit, Buck saves Eddie's life on a call and appears to pay the ultimate price. The team, Maddie, and Athena deal with the loss of their Buckaroo. They don't know the hospital has made a huge mistake until Buck nearly gives the ME a heart attack. Now they have to deal with all the feelings losing a member of the FireFam.Based on the Tumblr Prompt: The guy with sleep paralysis who woke up during autopsy has me wanting to see Buck end up similarly. While the team is shunning him they go on a call and Buck pushes Eddie out of the way of some mystery chemical. He breaths some in and Bobby yells at him. At the station Buck is stuck with chores and then the chemical takes hold and Buck "dies" in some corner. Eddie finds him and everyone is horrified. Buck wakes up right when the doc is about to cut him. Traumatized Buck and guilty fam.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 7
Kudos: 732
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Saving and Losing

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd

Buck hadn’t been expecting to be welcomed back like nothing had happened, but he also wasn’t expecting to be treated like he was invisible unless he was being given chores. He had initiated the lawsuit so he could get back to his family, now his family was pretending he didn’t exist. If they weren’t going to care what happened to him, why should he care. He was miserable, and no one cared, so he wasn’t going to care about himself either. So he slept and ate only enough to keep going. Since he wasn’t being allowed on calls, he didn’t see the point of staying fit enough to do it. During one night shift his exhaustion was catching up with him, he just wanted to crash in the bunk room. He wasn’t expecting the alarms to go off and to be allowed to join them.

Bobby yells out to him, “Buckley, let’s go. You’re coming with us on this one.” Buck didn’t need to be told twice. It turned out to be a chemical spill. Buck snorted. Of course, the one call he got to go on was just more cleaning. He was working on diluting the chemical when he noticed Eddie was a few yards away, helping move a shelving unit that had failed and caused the spill. Eddie hadn’t noticed the barrel behind him hadn’t been secured properly. Buck didn’t even think about it when saw the barrel falling. He shoved his best friend out of the way and the barrel’s lid shifting and spilling on Buck before he could get out of the way. When he made his way out of the building and the hazmat team helped him get out of the suit, Bobby was already shouting at him for making an even bigger mess. Buck didn’t bother trying to argue. He knew that he hadn’t caused any of that to happen, but he also knew that no one would listen or care that he’d done what he’d done to protect Eddie.

When an angry Bobby had left, an arm grabbed him. It was part of the hazmat team. “You need to go to the hospital.”

“I’m fine,” Buck shrugged.

“Your suit ripped.” The man said.

“What?” Buck stared at him.

“You might be fine, it doesn’t look like you got any on you. If you really don’t want to go to the hospital, just be careful. If you start to feel ill, please, go to the hospital.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“GET BACK TO THE TRUCK BUCKLEY!” Bobby shouted.

Back at the station Eddie pinned him against the truck, arm across his throat. “Come at me again like that on a call, and you will regret it.” Eddie practically growled before storming off. Buck couldn’t breathe, he wasn’t sure if it was the fact his best friend was even angrier at him or from what had happened on the call, but he couldn’t seem to get air into his lungs. He staggered his way to the locker room, collapsing against the lockers. His world faded to black.

Eddie was still grumbling about how stupid Buck had been on the call. He pushed his way into the locker room and froze at the sight before him. Buck was on the floor. “Buck!” he shouted and dropped down next to his best friend. “Buck.” He repeated as he carefully rolled Buck onto his back. His skin was pale and his lips were blue.

“I NEED SOME HELP!” Eddie shouted. “HEN! CHIM! ANYBODY!”

Hen and Bobby rushed into the room.

“Buck,” Bobby dropped down beside them. He tried to get any kind of response from the man on the floor, but Buck was unnaturally still. “Come on, kid.” The captain patted Buck’s cheek repeatedly.

“Chim, grab the O2.” Hen shouted. “Don’t you give up on us, Buckaroo.” She spoke as she started checking Buck’s vitals. Frowning as she did. His pulse was weak. Chim ran in and put an oxygen mask on Buck.

They managed to get him loaded in the back of the ambulance, Eddie refusing to leave his side. Hen got him hooked up to the heart rate monitor. Eddie rode in the back with Buck and Hen, Bobby took the passenger’s seat, Chimney behind the wheel. They had barely left the station when the alarms on the monitor went off.

“Don’t you dare die on me, Buck.” Hen said. “Starting compressions!”

Eddie couldn’t do anything but sit there and watch as his best friend’s heart failed.

They were all waiting in the ER waiting room. Maddie gripping Chimney’s hand like it was her only life line. Athena had joined them at some point. Eddie was pacing nervously. Maddie and Bobby jumped up as a doctor approached them.

“Is Evan okay?” Maddie asked the doctor.

The doctor took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, we did everything we could. We were trying to get his O2 stats up, but for some reason his vitals kept dropping. We noticed he had a chemical burn on his arm, but we couldn’t figure out what chemical he was exposed to. He ended up coding and we were unable to get him back. I’m truly am sorry for your loss.” The doctor excused himself.

“No…no not Evan.” Maddie sobbed, her legs giving out. Chimney caught her and helped her into a chair.

Bobby shook his head and sat down. “He’s gone. He’s really gone.” Bobby was shaking. He’d lost another one of his kids, another member of his family. He wasn’t sure his heart could handle it. Athena pulled him into her arms. “I lost him. He’s gone.” Bobby sobbed into his wife’s neck.

Eddie leaned against the wall. He couldn’t breathe. It should have been him. The last thing he had said to his best friend was a threat. A threat because he hadn’t realized what Buck had done for him. He replayed it over and over in his head. Buck had shoved him out of the way of barrel that killed him. He slid down the wall. The only reason Eddie wasn’t the one dead was because Buck had saved him. Buck, Eddie had been nothing but cruel to the man and he still saved his life, and cost younger man his own. Buck was gone. His best friend was gone. He’d have to bury another person he loved. He lost his wife, now his best friend, his best friend that he loved more than anyone else, but he never got to tell him that. He had spent his last few weeks being angry and ignoring his feelings. Now Buck was gone and he’d never get to tell him he loved him, or thank him for saving his life. Buck was the only reason he’d be able to go home to Christopher. Oh god, what was he going to tell Christopher. This was going to destroy Christopher. Eddie sobbed. The next thing he knows he’s being hauled into a hug. He looked up and Maddie is hugging him.

“It should have been me.” Eddie just sobbed harder. “B-Buck he….he pushed me out of the way. It should have been me.”

“No, Eddie. He never would have let that happen. He loved you so much.” Maddie sobbed. “He would do anything to make sure you made it home at night. He wasn’t about to let Christopher lose both parents in a year. You and Christopher were his world.” More arms wrapped around them as the team joined the hug.

Buck gasped as he returned to consciousness. He was cold. So very cold and he groaned in pain. He started to sit up when he heard shouting. He opened his eyes and was blinded by a bright light. The shouting continued until someone appeared in his line of sight, eclipsing the blinding light.

“Sir, can you hear me?” The figure said. “Sir! Can respond in any way?”

Buck managed to nod slightly. The figure started shouting again. He was moved and the blinding light was gone. He watched as the ceiling tiles and lights blurred. He was sure he saw an elevator. He was rushed into a new room, new figures were talking but he was struggling to track them.

“Mr. Buckley, can you squeeze my hand?” A doctor asked. Buck focused on getting his muscles in his hands to move. It moved weakly. “Very good, Mr. Buckley, that’s very good.” The doctor smiled down at him. The doctors kept pelting him with questions and he did his best to respond but his body was sluggish. He was trying so hard.

Athena had no idea how long they had been there, but she looked up as the ER seemed to erupt into chaos. The team had refused to budge until they got to see Evan Buckley, to get to properly say goodbye. They wanted to be there for Maddie. Athena lifted her head as the chaos continued. A nurse came rushing towards them.

“He’s alive.” She said.

“What?” Eddie asked.

“You’re the family of Evan Buckley, correct?”

“Yes,” Maddie said, brow furrowed in confusion.

“He’s alive.” The nurse repeated.

“How?” Bobby asked, sitting up to look at the nurse.

“We don’t know.” The nurse shook her head.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Eddie asked, standing up from his chair.

“He was unresponsive, he flat lined, the doctor called it after a full minute.” The nurse said nervously. “They even had him moved to the morgue to free up the room.”

“He woke up in the morgue?” Eddie grimaced at that. He felt like he might pass out. The man saved his life, and had to wake up in the morgue. Buck must be terrified. He felt someone come over and help support him. He gave Hen a grateful nod when she helped support his weight. He let her help him sit back down. “He woke up in the morgue, alone?” He asked looking up at the nurse.

“His movements were noticed and he was quickly brought back here.” The nurse said.

“Can we see him?” Maddie asked.

“The doctors are running a few more tests. Someone will come get you when they are finished.” At that the nurse hurried away.

“He’s alive.” Maddie sobbed in relief. Chim held her tight.

“Leave it to Buck to wake up in the damn morgue.” Hen shook her head. “Don’t know why I’m surprised, your boy always had a flair for the dramatic.” She nudged Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie made a sound that was somewhere between and laugh and a sob, but nodded.

“How you doing?” Athena asked when Bobby hadn’t said anything else. The captain had been silently praying that Buck really was okay, that he’d get a chance to make things right. He shook his head, a sob was pulled from his throat. “Oh honey.” Athena held pulled him back to her. “Shh, he’s going to be okay. He’s alive.” He shook his head again. There was still so much that could go wrong. He may be alive, but for how long? How long had he gone without oxygen? Did the chemicals do any permanent damage? Did he have brain damage? Would he remember them? As if she could read his mind, Athena spoke. “Hey, no matter what happens, he is alive. We aren’t going to let him go through this alone.”

It was silent when another nurse came to get them and show them to Buck’s room. Maddie rushed into the room and took her brother’s hand. Bobby followed her. Eddie hesitated as Athena and Chim went in.

“How you feeling?” Hen asked him as he leaned on the doorframe.

“He…Hen we lost him. He was gone.” Eddie scrubbed at his face.

“But we got him back.” Hen rubbed his shoulder.

“I hope he stays.” Eddie said.

“Well, give him a reason to.” Hen smiled and moved into the room. Eddie took a deep breath and moved to sit beside Bobby. Maddie and Chimney were on the Buck’s other side. Maddie had one hand on her brother’s cheek, the other in his hair as she whispered words of comfort to him. Bobby had pulled his chair forward and put a hand on Buck’s upper arm. When he noticed Eddie was practically frozen beside him, Bobby reached over and placed Eddie’s hand on Buck’s. Bobby’s phone rang at one point and he had to step out and take a call from the chief. He didn’t have many answers for his superior. The chief informed him that an investigation was happening and so far it looked like the company had been improperly storing and disposing of chemicals. The company wasn’t coming out of this unscathed. The chief was glad to hear that Buck was alive and told Bobby to keep the higher ups in the loop. Bobby was just heading back into the room when Eddie jumped up.

“Buck, come on, do that again, move your fingers again.” Eddie said, smiling when the fingers in his grip moved again. “Yes, Evan. That’s great. Now open your eyes. Come on, man. You can do it.” Buck’s eyes slowly blinked opened. Eddie sobbed in relief, his head dropping to Buck’s shoulder.

“Evan,” Maddie held her brother’s face in her hands. “Can you try and say something?”

Buck tried to clear his throat, wincing as he did. “What…happened?” His voice scraped against his raw throat and hurt. Eddie winced against his shoulder, but couldn’t bring himself to move.

“You died.” Maddie said bluntly. Eddie had tried to choke back a sob, but failed.

Eddie felt weak fingers at the back of his neck and brush through the hair at the base of his skull.

“Eddie,” Buck’s strained voice was soft in his ear. Eddie just shook his head against Buck’s shoulder and buried his face in the younger man’s neck.

“We’re going to give you two a minute.” Maddie gave her brother a kiss on the forehead. “I’m going to go find a doctor.” She ushered the rest of the team out of the room. Hugging Bobby once she was in the hallway, she knew her brother’s pseudo-father was taking this hard.

Once Eddie managed to get his breathing under control he pulled back. Buck noticed how absolutely destroyed the older man looked. “I am sorry. I am so sorry.” Eddie said, tears streaming down his face. “I was so stupid. I’m sorry. I lost you. It should have been me.”

“No, Eddie.” Buck whispered. “Christopher needs you, and I’m still here.”

“But you died.” Eddie pulled back, and started pacing.“The doctor came out and said your heart stopped. They took you to the morgue. The morgue, Evan!”

“Better me than you, but I’m back.” Buck shivered from the loss of warmth that Eddie had provided. Eddie noticed the shiver, sitting on the edge of Buck’s bed. The younger man leaned into him, smiling as he felt the shivers subside.

“You better stay that way, because I didn’t know what I was going to tell Christopher when we thought you were gone. Most days I think he likes you more than me. He’s already lost one parent.”

Buck let out a sob at the mention of Christopher. “I-I’m sorry. That must have been-“

“No, Evan.” Eddie pulled Buck to him. “No, shhhh, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Eddie kissed the side of Buck’s head. “You’re right. You came back. You are still here. We can make it up to Christopher. We will make it up to him. We can make up for lost time. Okay?”

“But-“

“No buts,” Eddie pulled back just enough so he could lean his forehead against Buck’s. “If you think we’re going to let you go now that we’ve got you back, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Does this mean everyone is talking to me now?” Buck asked.

Eddie laughed. “They thought you were dead. We thought we were going to have to bury you knowing that the last things we ever said to you were horrible. The last thing I did was threaten you. You saved my life and I threatened you. We would have had to live our lives knowing you died thinking we hated you. I would have had to live with the fact I hurt you terribly and you still sacrificed yourself for me. God, Evan. That hurt more than anything any of us have ever felt.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck mumbled.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I know but-“ Buck was cut off when Eddie’s lips met his.

“No buts.” Eddie said, words ghosting across Buck’s lips. He pulled away when there was a knock at the door. Buck whined slightly at the loss of contact. “I’m still here.” Eddie said, taking Buck’s hand and squeezing it.

“Sorry to interrupt.” A doctor said as she entered the room, Maddie and Bobby with her. Eddie moved back to let the doctor work, but staying close by so Buck could see him. “How are you feeling, Mr. Buckley?” The doctor asked.

“Like I swallowed nails.” Buck said. “And my arm hurts like hell.”

“You’re lucky to be alive, Mr. Buckley.” The doctor added. “We believe the muscles in your arm will heal with time. As for the rest of what happened, from what we have been able to figure out it looks like you experienced what we call, catalepsy. Your vitals dropped so low they were undetectable and you were declared dead. We are not sure how long your vitals remained that low. Once you were removed from the monitors we had no way of knowing you were alive until you regained consciousness and began moving in the morgue.”

“Bet that was a shock.” Buck said.

“It was quite a surprise for the Medical Examiner, he nearly had a heart attack, but was grateful that you woke up before they started cutting. The staff managed to get you transferred and up to us for reevaluation.” The doctor smiled. “Most of the staff is considering this some sort of miraculous recovery.”

“Does it look like there’ll be any permanent damage?” Bobby asked.

“The fact that Mr. Buckley is awake, and talking is a very good sign.” She turned back to Buck. “You may have some partial paralysis, hopefully it will be temporary, but we will have to do some additional testing to figure that out.”

Buck sighed. “I guess I’m going to be here for awhile.”

“A few days at least.” The doctor said. “We want to make sure that your vitals don’t drop again.”

Buck nodded. The doctor quietly excused herself. Eddie’s phone started ringing. “You should get that.” Buck told him.

Eddie pulled his phone out and glanced at the screen. “It’s Carla.”

“Then you really have to take it.” Buck chuckled. Eddie hesitated he really didn’t want to leave. “I’m not going anywhere.” Buck added.

Eddie shook his head but smiled. “I’ll be just outside. Okay?”

“Okay,” Buck nodded.

“You scared the hell out of everyone.” Bobby said as he moved to take Eddie’s spot.

“I’m sorry, Bobby. I didn’t mean to freak anyone out. I should have listened to the hazmat team and gone to the hospital right away when they said my suit ripped.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Bobby asked.

“I didn’t get much of a chance.” Buck looked down at his hands. “You guys were so mad, then I couldn’t breathe and then I died.”

Bobby had to sit down. All this could have been avoided if he bothered to make sure Buck was okay, instead he yelled at him repeatedly. “This is my fault. I should have made sure you were okay. I should have seen you were hurt, that you were struggling. I should have cut you some slack long before we got to this point. I am so sorry. You have no idea how much losing you hurt.” Bobby admitted, pulling Buck into a hug. “You are like a son to me. I will never take that for granted again. You are family. No matter what those tests say, we’re not going anywhere.”

Buck let out a sob and hugged Bobby tightly. “That’s all I wanted. That’s why I turned down the money. I just wanted to be back with my family.”

“You are,” Maddie smiled, “None of us are going anywhere, little brother.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Eddie smiled, “But Christopher refuses to go to bed until he can talk to his Buck.”

Buck laughed, ignoring the pain in his chest and throat, and taking Eddie’s phone. “Hey superman,” Buck spoke into the phone.

“Are you okay, Buck?” Christopher asked. “Because Daddy said you were sick.”

“I will be, Buddy,” Buck smiled. “I might be in the hospital a few days, but I’m feeling better already.”

“Daddy said I can come see you tomorrow.” Buck could hear the excitement in the boy’s voice.

“Oh really, tomorrow?” Buck looked at Eddie, eyebrow raised. “Well that’ll make me feel much better, if you go to bed then tomorrow will come a lot faster.” 

“Okay, love you Bucky.” Christopher said. “See you tomorrow.”

“I love you too, buddy.” Buck smiled. “And yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He handed the phone back to Eddie. Eddie wished his son a goodnight and repeated his promise of him visiting in the morning. He said goodbye and turned back to the group.

“Carla’s going to bring him by in the morning.”

“You’re not going to bring him?” Buck asked, brows furrowed.

“That would imply I’m actually leaving.” Eddie smirked, sitting on the side of the bed.

“You’re staying?” Buck asked.

“That was the idea.” Eddie grinned.

Bobby shook his head and laughed. “As long as you both get some sleep that’s fine by me.”

“No argument here. That just means I get to go home and sleep in an actual bed, but I will be back in the morning.” Maddie stated.

Buck smiled. This was nice. He had his family back, he’d get to see Christopher tomorrow, and he’d apparently beaten death. He held his hand out and Eddie took it without hesitation. Buck would do his best to cherish this new life and the second chance he was given.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading.   
> I plan on surviving the midseason break by filling prompts.   
> So please, send me prompts on tumblr @sortofanobsession


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